im having a threesome with these popsicles
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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