The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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