Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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