there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
