You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
