I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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