I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize