i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His hands were made for my vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
