I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think your dad took our porno
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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