i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
