just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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