weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
