he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
