I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is my gift to your gina
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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