i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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