talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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