is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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