Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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