My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
