i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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