omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
