I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
