I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
