Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
