This girl is more easily done than said...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
