Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
