anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you never un-have a 4some
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize