So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
