i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Bring me that man meat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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