Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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