If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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