Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize