Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
