you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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