separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
