You smell like stripper and shame
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
