So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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