don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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