Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
