whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
