saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
