im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
