I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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