so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize