Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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