You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
