Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
