Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
