whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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