so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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