I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
