So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
