My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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