Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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