when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
