Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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