i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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