i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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