Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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