yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
