Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
