Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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