question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize