What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
