420 ftw
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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