there's paper in my vomit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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