I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
