guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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