My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
