Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
